I am not in love with my Korean American self and I am not in love with the circumstances I am therefore put under. During self-deprecating times like these, I’d like to think that I could turn to my parents and bestow upon them the privilege of eloquently explaining to their teenage daughter that life is not all that bad. With a self-pitying follow up, I’d refute their positive remarks and continue to deplore and whine about my skewed, divergent, “American” life. Most unfortunately, however, it’s difficult to have these kinds of necessary consoling conversations with mom or dad when even having the everyday, matter of fact conversation is utterly mind wrenching as it is. The language barrier between my parents and myself not only disable us from our everyday functions, such as the telling of our work and school days, but it also disables the capacity to which we could distinctively define our opinions and emotions verbatim. It’s a frustrating challenge when I can’t seem to explain to my parents how the GPA system works, why they can’t always just ask for a price deduction on all purchases, and what the numbers and terminology on phone bills exactly mean. Spews of grammatically incorrect Korean sentences leave my mouth and only small portions of it are processed in my parents’ minds. Although I understand most of what my parents say to me in Korean, my comprehension level slowly diminishes as the subject of our conversations gradually complicate. The language barrier between my parents and myself, although not extreme, exist and make it challenging to get across what we all want to say to one another with precision and in entirety.

The cultural differences that coexist with the language barriers between my parents and myself add even more complications to our already disadvantaged Korean American circumstances. My parents are constantly pushing me to achieve optimum academic performance and easily put my education before everything in their lives and mine. Not that this push for academic excellence isn’t an American moral as well, but my parents, like many other Korean American parents, explode it to life-threatening proportions. I, in turn, will release my inner American teenager and rebel against their morals and proclaim the right to incorporate playtime into my schedule; this infuriates my parents. Speaking of “playtime”, my social life is always being scrutinized and before I go out with my friends I’m constantly interrogated about who I’m going with, what I’ll be doing and why, how I’ll get around, who will be driving, where I’ll be, how I’ll get home, when I’ll get home, and if my homework is completed before going out. Again, this too conforms to many parents’ guidelines for their children, but as a Korean American I am disciplined under Korean moral rule and therefore not given much freedom compared to average American teenagers my age. I could make an extensive list of cultural differences between my parents and myself, but all the differences would explain the same point: cultural differences make it challenging to live with first generation Korean American parents.

There is nothing, however, absolutely nothing in this world that I would trade my unique heritage for. None of the aforementioned challenges about living with first generation Korean American parents could outweigh the rewards that I am in turn blessed with. In a country where culture is transformed to conform, there are rewards for inconformity and perseverance. Being an American born citizen, living with first generation Korean American parents gave me the opportunity to keep a firm grasp on my ethnic background and be cognizant of who I innately am. Due to my parents’ perseverance of Korean culture and instilling it into my American-saturated life, I can speak and understand my native language relatively well, understand Korean customs and morals, and even fairly say that the challenges of living with first generation Korean American parents is a reward in itself. I am able to work through cultural challenges with my parents and as a result form a different, stronger bond with them. Living with parents who are first generation Korean Americans gives me a sense of independence and allows me to feel as though I am unique amongst many Americans and therefore have something different to provide to others as my parents as provided for me – Korean culture. Having first generation Korean American parents has allowed me to really analyze my circumstances and assess my combined heritages into one unified heritage. As a result of living in America, the American culture comes naturally to me, but living with my Korean American parents gives me the reward loving my Korean culture on more intimate levels.

I am constantly contemplating the pros and cons of the situation I am placed under, but my conclusions remain the same. After reminding myself of the rewards that come along with the challenges of living with first generation Korean American parents, I easily conclude that I am, in fact, in love with my Korean American self and I am in love with the circumstances I am therefore put under.

Susan Lee, bio
Green Oaks, IL